4 A mother's pain

It's sad for a mum to bear a child for 9 months to realize that he/she developed a terminal illness and going to leave her soon. It's also sad to know that the child she is bearing is dysfunctional.

I'm not being discriminatory or what, but like I would have shared with most of my friends, I agree with my mum's reasoning. Being in a society that bears little sensitivity or tolerance for those who are not as healthy as us, I would choose to abort a child when I know he/she is dysfunctional. It will be very sad to see my kid to grow up being poked fun of or being laughed at.. that's the last thing I want my kid to go through - to be the target of verbal abuse I guess. Name calling is different from this, because I know how painful being the odd one out can be. And for the parents, to be taking care of the child all the time and the worse is that unable to cease worrying for the kid even on their death bed - it's something I wouldn't want my mum to go through either. I understand.

I don't know, I guess I'm a very emotional person. I tend to relate to people with my emotions, that explains why I'm very easy to reach out to. Listening to "Ronan" by Taylor Swift, which was dedicated to this 4yo cancer boy, Ronan, who never got to live his life to the fullest, I felt really sad for the mum. Because I know that's the one thing that would tear parents apart, because their love can make them sacrifice so much more. They would want to take the place of their sickly child, thinking that the kid has such a bright future ahead whereas they are growing old, they would rather trade in to let him live. Sadly life isn't so.

Life isn't fair, life is bitter, life.. makes you grow and find your way. Challenges come day after day, that explains why people happily retired with grandchildren and find out they have cancer. Which is rather painful. But not as painful as ending your life even without going through anything just yet.

I really wish that one day, cancer will just be a horoscope. 

3 Happy thoughts;

Minor happy thought today:

Thinking how my future kid will choose his (haha I'm inclined towards a son) / her (I would love to dress my daughter up too) her favourite teddy when both of the teddies on his/her side are identical ahhaha. And then we will say he/she loves which parent more heh! Happy thoughts! (:

Even though I'm supposed to be mugging my ass off for promos, but I can't help to post this up so that I can look back after good times (or maybe when I become a mum ahha)

My collection of adorable teddy bears who accompany me through rain or shine <3

2 Take care and be safe;

Hello you!

Yeah this is totally the love letter I'm going to write to you on the eve before you leave and until god-knows-when we will talk again. To start with, I never really thought I'll be able to be friends or talk with you. Because of everything we have been through.

I guess I've always envied you to a certain extent that you've a sister and that you've always been able to capture part of his thoughts (FYI 你陪着我的时候想着他was my theme song in December haha) and the fact that you knew how to dress up attracted his attention (cause you're not like a kid, like me blek). It's stunningly scary when I found out we were quite similar just for example like the way we talk, or act cute LOL. And for your purpose the song will be attached below this HAHAHA. 

I think I've always been like finding you out of boredom to try to know you more, and try to learn the bits of hollies that I never knew between both of you, but I'm really surprised how we came quite close talking rubbish that now I'm sad to see you leave I guess. Even though I'm not with you.

I should be happy you got a placing in UNIMAP (even though I have zero idea how Malaysia's university works) and that you're furthering your studies in some super pro-sounding business management course HAHAHHA. Who knows when you'll just be my boss and order me around right! Bleh.

Thing is, i've never really formally apologized for this, but I think it's time to do it since I might not even get to talk to you in a few months of weeks. I'm sorry for tearing both of you apart, because I really felt that without me there was room for both of you - especially you guys sharing the same roots. I know how much pain it brought to you from your blogposts, and for someone who believes that the music you listen is the exact portrayal of your emotions - you can't get over it. It's not an easy task I know, and it pains me more to know that I'm the one who has brought it upon you. Of all people I'm very protective of my friends, and yet I've hurt you. For that I don't even know how much words can compensate your loss or what can I do to help ease your sufferings.. I'm sorry. Truly am very sorry. Honestly if you want to continue giving it a try, I think It may succeed, considering how long you've held onto it. Don't let me stand in your way to achieve your love - I know he's your ideal one - and I would say go for it, because love makes people stupid. AHAHAHA.

Other than that, you need take care of yourself when you're alone in Perlis okay? I mean I'm not that important a person to contact but remember to call back home to tell them you're safe and stuff! Wallet and keys try not to loose them hor, since you so blur. You gonna dress up damn nice nice go out kbox again remember must bring jacket so can cover up from the bad guys don't let them see your sexy body LOL.

I don't really know what can I say since we've really just know each other not long ago, not even physically that is, and that I don't even know the small little things you like - probably teddy bears and acting cute and sleeping and eating hahahaha - but I feel like you're just another one of my friends that's so far away.. But my care stretches all the way to Perlis and back okay! If you need a hug or someone to talk to you can always find me for 'wise advices' hahahaha. If you want my number I can always WA you ;) and yeah don't simply go out with guys hor I don't trust you with them enough D: since you so high demand AHAHAHA. But really just be safe okay? I still want you back :( to talk to me :( and to post hell lots of act cute photos on instagram! (ps its cause of you I want to cut bangs luh why bangs look so good on you envy T^T) You've inspired to start blogging again (Definitely haha) and maybe start learning to style up a bit but never lose the touch of being a kid :) 

And with that I guess I've probably said most of what I wanted to say cause I probably forgot everything else but just farewell, till we talk again okie? All the best *hugggg* you'll be fine and happy there I know :)
Because you're so much more than who you think you are, and I know you'll succeed :) And attached is really my favourite favourite song of all time - it's a really beautiful story sung behind the lyrics, and I hope yours won't be a sad love story but a very happy one. Don't be afraid of what's to come, because the only constant in life is change. You're wearing your smile everyday, and that's a good sign of optimism okay! Be brave :)


"Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but it's everything in between that makes it all worth living."- Sandra Bullock in "Hope Floats"

You've taken the leap of faith and you're all set to start your new journey in life now :)