The lyrics of this song is breaking my heart.

People may come and go,

But how they made you feel will always last.

And maybe, just maybe,

for now, 

it's just you and I.

Nobody in the world. 

71 Repent

I've been a rebel.

I've been selfish and inconsiderate, and by that, I mean that I have been overlooking other people's care for me just for that moment of self gratification.

And it suddenly hit me today - then what is this love that I speak of? The values I've always been honouring - to give more than receive - does it even mean anything anymore considering my actions for the past few weeks?

Just because I've let myself go, I've caused so much hurt for the people around me. Their worried faces, the affirmation to the sharp hearings, them wanting to scapegoat another person for my irrational behaviors (sorry, M. This I owe you).

How can I be who I wanted to be if this goes on? (but honestly, this was the me I've always wanted to be...)

Does it make me a different person since I've chosen a different set of actions that is against whatever that is believed of me? "You can do better than this", they say. But what if I just want to settle with... "this"?

It's just me being reckless. My actions that led to a series of negative reactions - which I didn't feel much because it impacted only to those around me. I have disappointed a lot of people by letting the alternate side of me out. And taken their care for granted.

On a very bright side note, I've realized a lot of things about myself that I probably wouldn't have ever known if not for this short ride. I've honestly taken a step back, to find out about my own perceptions, expectations, boundaries, and learnt to give even more.

So today I repent. Today, I'm sobering back and stepping back into the expectations of others, to the over ambitious driven everly occupied me.

But I know, deep down, some days I will still let the hidden side of me out. And nobody will know.

70 In Christ alone

2015 has been a year of transition for me. 

It was the year that I stepped out of my comfort zone. 

The year of exponential growth.

Looking back, I am grateful. I have been so blessed with opportunities given that I had not seen coming, with the support of family and friends that I know I do not deserve.

Even when I walked through the deepest valleys, I know God gave me Angels that loved me when I have been incapable of loving myself.

At some point in the year, I lost myself. It was the hard truth that I was unwilling to accept, but when God closed that door, another door opened.

I rid of my fear that has been holding me back, and took the courage to foster new relationships. I rid my expectations towards myself and forced me out of my circle - and the rewards have been amazing. And I am thankful. So so thankful. 

I am proud to say that I will continue devoting myself and my passion for ministry - for I have seen how much God has moulded me through this year. 

Let 2016 be a year filled with hope, joy and peace. May He continue to use me and the skills that He placed in me for His purpose.