The reoccurring question was, since when? Since when did we become so fixated in results, since when did we let grades determine our happiness/guilt? Since when that grades took over our heart, mind and soul? Since when did a 60/70/80 become so important? Isn't it troubling that one string question that you couldn't solve during the math paper left your heart troubled that you had to find out if you were correct after your paper?
It's true when we say that an "A" doesn't matter in comparison to those who lost their homes in Typhoon Haiyan or the Sichuan Earthquake. But I believe when you make comparisons, you have to look at the context and make sure it's a fair comparison.
Sure, the meritocratic society in Singapore emphasizes on creme de la creme, and you'll only get a scholarship when you're the top 3%, and everything important "as a student" is getting into deans list, honor roll et cetera. But I can't help to wonder, is this all just a title? A name?
Was strolling around during break, and saw this poster "Singapore's first ever Filial Piety Award". I was not shocked, but I was confused. Do we have to give monetary awards, for people to write it their glorious deeds when all these was once a highly valued practice? Edusave award, Character award... They do serve (in a way) to acknowledge the people for their contributions, but it just seems as self promotion to some, and "a fancy title to add into my portfolio for many".
You might say I'm hypocritical, esp when I myself am one of the finalists for NYLA. It's true. I did have a long list of reservations for it because I didn't want it to be like a star-studded thing. To be honest, there were times I was just there just for the sake of people there. But it was a learning process. A very unique one in fact. But I can't help to ponder the purpose of submitting an application singing praises of yourself?
I think most of the time it's special circumstances to make you do so - my case, to over and done with to please L and get her off my back during blocks. I didn't expect myself to go this far. But are there so many coincidences in life for everyone?
Since when did academic achievements become the benchmark that gauges the life of a student? Today my sister told me, "you need to learn to get less attached to your grades". Yeap I surely do need to. To enjoy the learning process - from hating math to slowly loving it again; from knowing nothing about geog to adoring it..
There's a lot of things in my A levels journey that sums up to "slowly, but surely". If I had been given enough time to slowly explore my way through, I would definitely be happier. To quote a friend, "I love to learn, but not to study", that's definitely the case for so many people out there. But we must remember that grades will only define us if we let them too. At least I have to, for some things in life are greater than others.
Come what May. Oops, I mean March.
*edit: my mind was frazzled yesterday, so is it right now. It's all about the heavy focus on relativity isn't it? How much we must be better than our peers, how much we have to score/earn.. Isn't it just sad?
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