24 Reflections(I)

There are days where I hate myself. But today is different.

Today is one of those days that I super hate myself.

Ever got up from bed, thinking that you probably got up from the wrong side of the bed cause everything about today just feels so wrong? I've overslept by a bit today - hair still wet from yesterday and I forgot to charge my phone, waking up at 6.50 instead of my usual 6.30 routine and I just couldn't find a side of a sock - ended up wearing pink socks to school. I probably broke the school rule for the first time, and was praying like for Ken Yaow not to catch me during morning assembly please. (But thankfully they were more preoccupied with the incoming J1s so guess who got past!)

Anyways, I used to love Fridays. Friday is always like this to me. Like finally a long tremendous week has passed. But this year's timetable indicates that my timetable sucks. Why? Cause I have a 30 minute break after PE, and another 1 hour break after 3 hours of Chem, Math and Human Geog. I AM A GROWING CHILD I NEEDZ FOODZ MY TUMMY PROTESTS EVERYTIME T_T Then I start deciding what to eat for lunch and thinking should I eat double portions. Cannot like that leh!

Today was especially sucky because I nearly fainted in PE (Again yeah I know, got to get a medical checkup soon. But hey haha I can still sprint - at my own risk that is). Then after PE I was just wiped out, nonetheless had to go help out with the Static Kayakking T-shirts! After 1 chem lesson and another math test, I was already poofed dead tired and there's another 1.5 hour compre test T_T Okay off with daily rants haha it's the itty bitty things I like to rant about sorry about that.

I normally realize that the day is gonna be suckier when I really don't feel like doing anything, only "zenning" - Junhui's terms. I guess it's come to a point that I really want to reflect about this week that passed by. I guess I am really upset on myself for acting on impulse on certain times and unable to contain my emotions to myself. There are times when I was at the verge of raging and raged too, and I can't be anymore ashamed of myself for not controlling myself.

Since young, I've been seen as someone who's very tough and very impulsive - I really don't think before I talk. I have a lot of quirks - like idk it's just me, but I saw something from my horoscope yesterday: Aries' is weird, when she's happy she's talkative, when she's depressed she tends to pull away. She can go up to one day not talking. I really don't understand how I can moodswing so fast at times, it's just so depressing I'm like bipolar. And I don't even know if I'm making sense here because I upset myself ):

I want to be demure and practical and firm and sensible and I feel like I really haven't been any of these recently. I should try to count to 30 and then react to something, and try not to snap or be upset, to think before I talk, there are so many things that I should have done. I really felt that I could have been a better friend, a better comrade, a better classmate, a better person.