34 Of Birthdays

Today should be a special day, cause it's my birthday. Coincidentally I got throat infection, flu and fever on Tuesday. FML seriously haha. My friend was asking me why I MIA never reply their 12am texts, and that's cause for once I was in bed at 9pm. Who sleeps at nine seriously haha siao alr.

I never believed birthdays to be more special than any other day I guess. It's just like the day you were born - also meant as the day whereby your mum suffers that 9 month worth of menses  intense pain and give birth to you. For someone as teeny sized as my mummy, that would definitely hurt a lot. Mothers are such wonderful beings, they forgo a lot of their habits just to accommodate us - I wonder if I'll be able to survive without chocolate if some doctor tells me that it's harmful for the kid ._. Each of our mothers are warriors.

So I reached the conclusion that we're only celebrating birthdays because...
EVERYONE ELSE LOVES YOUR ARRIVAL IN THIS WORLD HEEHEE. *ego ego*

The best part (and the most awkward part) is the cake!! Even though you'll have to stand whilst everyone sings a song for you (And you just be an awkward turtle not knowing how to do - actually I'll sing along heh *buaypaiseh*),  everyone gets cake later on! Another question, why did people even started eating cake? Isn't it a bit funny how cake is made and people just suddenly decided to eat cake ._. Like:
"hey what's the round thing you got there that doesn't flop?"
"I don't know, but it tastes great why don't you join me?"
... "HEY THIS STUFF IS GOOD!"
wtf right hahahah it's quite amusing.

Shin's motto heeheee.

Birthdays do make you feel special when people's giving you presents and giving you cake, but everyday can be your birthday if you shower you and your friends with presents (okay don't indulge too much)? I don't know I think little notes and stuff are really really sweet on a.. fortnightly basis. HAHAHA I'm a greedy pig. 

Anyways this birthday was a really normal one, just like any other day. So here is what is on my playlist today. It's called Autumn Leaves by Ed Sheeran, it's mellow and soothing so I suppose it represents inner peace within me? Click the link and close your eyes :)

Another day another life

Passes by just like mine

It's not complicated

Another mind

Another soul

Another body to grow old

It's not complicated

Do you ever wonder if stars shine out for you?

Float down

Like Autumn leaves

And Hush now

Close your eyes before the sleep

And you're miles away

And yesterday you were here with me

Another tear

Another cry

Another place for us to die

It's not complicated

Another life that's gone to waste

Another light lost from your face

It's complicated

Is it that it's over or do birds still sing for you?

Float down

Like autumn leaves

And hush now

Close your eyes before the sleep

And you're miles away

And yesterday you were here with me

Ooh how I miss you

My symphony played the song that carried you out

And ooh I miss you

I miss you and I wish you'd stay

Do you ever wonder if stars shine out for you?

Float Down

Like Autumn leaves

And Hush now

Close your eyes before the sleep

And you're miles away

And yesterday you were here with me

Mhh, mhh, mhhh, mhhhhh

Touch down

Like a seven four seven

Stay out and we'll live forever now

2 years ago today, I was stargazing and just spending some time alone, then I broke down, for no apparent reason. I don't know is it just a mere release of emotions, or just reluctance to grow up. Today, the same thing happened again. (not the stargazing part heh. I need to control my tear glands somehow heehee) I keep telling myself that I'm legal now, I'm a big girl now. I will have to take things to my stride and be calm and composed at all times. (or maybe not) Instead of the normal "writing to yourself ten years ago", I'm wrote to my 18 year old self :)

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Dear Shin,

You're now 18, another milestone in your life. I'm glad to say through those 18 years, even though you brought bad experiences to some, you've positively influenced a couple more. People are blessed to have known you and they do love your sweet little thing you do for them, so keep that up :)

I just want you to know that even though things are hard and places huge pressure on you from time to time, you're not alone. You always have your teddies, Ma, Ba, Gor, Jie, and your friends to help you sail through the storm. I believe you will only emerge stronger from these experiences, because God has something better for you. So sail ahead, let go and let live.

The past year has been exceptionally hard on you, but you managed to bounce back faster than I expected you could. Unconsciously, you constantly improve yourself by challenging your own limits, do you know that? That's why I feel that you'll be able to be sensible enough and let your heart to be guarded by someone whom you can really trust in the future. I know it still hurts from time to time, but you know better now, don't you child?

However, you really need to change that stubbornness of yours. I get that determination is a good thing, but some things just won't work if you ram through it. You always head to things recklessly, and this time I would really want you to be more mature, sit down and think then carry out your next course of action.

You get too worked up at times, and then complain complain and complain. You have got to learn to accept the society you're in, it's not going to change for you. It's the sad truth of life, and when you can't change the world, you've got to take the first step and change yourself instead, you hear me? Learn to accept, learn to let go and forgive. It's tough I know, but you'll be able to see the world as a happier place after that. And that's the most awesome part of it all.

You also have to try not to fall sick so often or to stress yourself out easily. Cause apparently I saw a document that said that stress leads to low immunity, which probably explains why you're so sickly most of the time. You make people worry so much when you're sick, you know that? So don't be ill so often that people can't find you.

You know that avoiding things and pushing people away from you sometimes won't work. I get that you need alone time at times, but instead of just being bipolar and shutting everyone out, tell them beforehand that you need the time by yourself. You're giving them the respect they deserve by actually telling people what you're doing and they would give you space if they respect you equally. Being aggressive or ignorant won't solve the problem child, you got to learn soft skills, to soften down the tough protective casing you've placed around you to reach out to people. 

Most importantly child, be sure to keep your inner child with you. Even when you grow up and step into the corporate world, your inner child will be the one providing you with smiles and faith to carry on. So don't ever lose that, and don't ever lose your smile. Haven't you heard that the sexiest curve on a woman's body is her smile? ;)

Do love yourself more, because you're worth so much more. Push those negative thoughts that stream into your brain from time to time and promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think you are.

Love, 17yo Shin

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Anyways, thank you to those who made my birthday a special albeit sickly one - I now have Mrs Cuddles/Nuzzles from darling fencers; Ice Lemon Green Tea, Kitkat bars & cards from Sammie, Ping and Wanline, 50 flu pills and surgical masks from the Boarding School office LOLOLOL

Better text my mummy to thank her for her love all these years before I sleep, so ciao :)

(PS You should ALWAYS text your mummy to thank her on your birthday, because it's her sacrifice that brought you here.)