Today's my last night in Singapore. The final night, after spending 6.25 (up till March 2014) here on the red dot.
I expected myself to be emotional - I was never really good at saying goodbyes, but never really saw how hard it is to say goodbye.
This 6.25 years have been vital in shaping who I am today, and I'm sure everyone can see how I've transformed from that naive, obnoxious 13 year old to this crazy, shameless 19 year old. (Not sure if that's how people see me tho)
You see, my relationship with Singapore goes a long way back. I've been travelling to and fro Singapore since I was 8. Mummy would strap me next to her and together we will ride the highway to visit my older siblings, and then take another 3 hours to cruise home.
I remember stepping into Nanyang during my sister's graduation, and it felt that I was meant to belong there. And from then on, I worked so hard to achieve that aim of coming to Singapore to study. I guess that worked out pretty well.
But along the way, I started to understand myself a bit more. I grew to understand that sometimes people just won't like you - no matter how hard I try. I learnt that results weren't proportional to effort. I struggled through certain experiences, like going for FAME rehearsals/JCRC meetings till 3am and still having to come back to complete my homework - they weren't going to complete themselves yet looked back with such fond memories.
Then I moved up to JC, where it was just a mini society and shit really goes up the roof. It was a challenge to be true to myself, to handle different commitments and to handle different people. I've lost myself, I've climbed back up. I've been disappointed, but I learnt to move on.
Last 0.25: mostly working with Steph, meeting more new friends - co-facilitators and the kids we've brought overseas. Learning through tough environments, yet enjoying the whole experience. It doesn't make it any easier that prior to leaving this island I gained a bunch of new friends from the MF team, who reminded me of why I ever come to this island in the first place.
This 6.25 years have been really really tough on me. I went down, down, and further down when I just couldn't manage my expectations of myself. I didn't understand why. I even looked down upon myself. I started questioning the whole purpose of coming here, especially how my university questioned the legitimacy of my A levels results - because it's not Cambridge IGCSE.
But it's really though the toughest times, you grow the most. I feel that my experiences here made me a so much better person - still much to improve but hey baby steps. Challenges were thrown at me time after time, each time harder than the previous, but I learnt. And I guess that's what matters. That I learnt, to work my way around it. I learnt that life isn't fair. I learnt that life will give you lemons, so just suck it up.
But what makes it most unbearable to say goodbye, is the friends I've made here. The friends who laughed with me when I was happy, gave me a pull when I was sinking; the friends who never failed to surround me with warmth and care, the friends who complained together with me during the tough times. The friends who helped me to grow.
I've also gotten so used to staying at Steph's, I feel so much like an adopted child in the family. Joking around during dinner, helping to wash up and shedding hair (teehee) will be things that I will miss when I go home.
My entire social life, my presence in this society, would be uprooted from this red dot after today. Everyone will enter a new phase in life, some will come and some will go. I really don't know what will happen from here onwards, but I am really thankful, that I was here.
Veni, Vidi, Vici. I saw, I came, I conquered. I conquered my old self. I really don't want to leave my comfort zone, but a new path awaits. Now I understand why so many people stayed.
But for now, goodbye.
/hurries to get ice cream to soothe self
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