It has been a long while since I've blogged. Tons of things that are overdue. And a lot of requests to keep updating my life so that people know what's going on - it's true I've been on a social media hiatus for just too long. Blogging requires TONS of discipline. Just bolding and underlining that to give all the credit to bloggers out there who find the drive to update their blog/insta then shamelessly promote on twitter - I still don't get how people somehow just do that. Even when I churp churp I find myself annoying hahahahahaha.
General update:
Life's pretty fine at my side? Finished my first 8 papers of my professional degree (search: ICAEW if you're interested - one of the best courses ever for accountancy), and if all things go well I will be completing studies and stepping into workforce (and studying part time) next April? WHICH IS QUITE FAST. Some days I do think that this practicality is worth it that I'm compromising on my vibrant university life - and I do conclude that you should enjoy university before you step into the workforce. At one point in time, everyone gets so ambitious to earn your bucket of money it's quite terrifying? Would rather enjoy the moments and silly laughter - be it during random Ice Lemon Tea sessions or Class Breaks - which I honestly miss a lot.
Just wanted to blog something that has been in my heart for quite some time today. Today's post will be on Christianity. It's a big taboo in my family but I guess it helps if I share? A lot of people ask me:
"Why did you decide to be Christian?"
"Why Christianity?"
Half of the time I just want to reply like..
I don't mean it in a bad way though - every religion has its own way of life, and it's good that people can bank their hopes somewhere. This is the whole thing about FAITH. Which I would elaborate a bit more later.
My story with Christianity started a long way ago when I was back in Singapore, more accurately when my mentor started this thing called 40 days of Faith. For us it was more like a supper gathering (food appeals, y'all!) and we would share life and then pray - Clarification: I always believed in a God, just that I never put a name on God?
I loved these sessions (FYI, this is called Cell Group or anything, varies from church to church?) I generally love the idea of fellowship itself, I feel that it is so important to focus on the intangibles in (our fast paced) life that we just need to sit down and talk. In a way, these people were my support group - I've been told it's very.. TFIOS rehab group-sounding - but it is absolutely true that we are open about our worries, our troubles and we just seek comfort in each others' presence.
That being said, I did try going to church in Singapore - a few times. Just every session was not quite right - I can't take traditional churches I think (Even though confessions seem like useful sessions for me), or the pastor would say something that totally turns me off. Or the atmosphere is just, odd. It just doesn't feel right? But everytime when I'm upset I listen to songs like Still by Hillsong or one of my early favourites, What Faith Can Do - well they didn't write anything about God in these songs right?
And I would say, that's the amazing thing about God. He doesn't need to make his presence felt - He's omnipresent, and He's a gentle loving Father watching over you. He is there to catch you when you fall, and guide you along the way. Kind of like Footprints in the Sand (I'm sorry haha this is also a song with a Christian context). Check out the song if you haven't by the way, really meaningful lyrics (:
If you had known me in my earlier days, I would proclaim to you that I am atheist - that I do not believe in any religion because it was just something people need to anchor their faith in. Little did I know the young me was going to eat my own words later on in life hahahah. (Also another thing about God, He's really playful. He'll make sure you eat your words or experience something else than you desire most of the time .______. )
Yesterday when I was driving home and talking to my mother, this exact line came back into my mouth about religion. Just that I didn't tell my mother that it's precisely because I need someone to carry me through in this tough life, I chose to be Christian. Also because it's really large pressure/weight on me to be the sole child at home experiencing my parents - I'm really not used to being weighed down after having so much freedom in my teenage years.
And the irony is that, they are the reason that brought me to church ahhaha. I remember having such a bad time at home I just told E "BRING ME TO YOUR CHURCH" and he was like "ermmmmmmmmmm." The hesitation was because he wanted me to do bring me to church only when this amazing pastor (PASTOR JULIE <3 She's amazing. She actually looks like my mum - and I believe if my mother became a pastor, she'll be damn cool like Pastor Julie. WHY MUM?? Okay back to topic.) spoke. And that immediate night, he got the notification that Pastor Julie was speaking. So church it is! And the message that week hit me. (If I remember correctly, the message that week was about reigniting passion for God, the "theme song" was Consuming Fire)
That's the thing about GT (My church is called Glad Tidings Assembly of God) - the messages hit me like a truck. E says I'm blessed this way because when I need it, God will send me a message. Which was 3 weeks in a row - inclusive of Michelle telling me the more I don't want to be like my mother, the more I'll become like her >_> Because environment shapes people. But we can learn to be aware and remind ourselves not to repeat that. And the amazing thing about my GT friends is that they aren't overly-friendly/aggressive, which makes me really comfortable to walk this journey at my own pace - no rush, no forcing to church - it's all at your own will!
And why Christianity - because of Love.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. - 1 Corinthians 13:13Christianity is really big about forgiveness, and loving each other. About not passing judgment one another (and let God decide). About giving to others, giving to God's kingdom with that trust that He will provide us with more. The message that we desire to be more like God - is that God is unconditionally giving and loving others. And that we should strive to be as selfless as He is. (That's my take for now, at least.)
I decided to accept Christ completely in my life during College Retreat (Church camp basically, which I loved because CAMP!!) Side note, Joke was that I actually unknowingly accepted Christ sometimes because the Pastors then asked.. "Would anyone like me to pray for them? If yes, raise up your hand" but uhm, I probably didn't know what was happening then. So yeah, that step in July 2014? It was a very powerful turning point for me, because you know they say,
You will never be the same againI'll just like to put it out there that being Christian is TOUGH. It requires a lot of discipline - the Bible isn't the easiest to finish (especially with so many books and verses, even divided into Old and New Testament!), you have to sacrifice sleep on Sunday mornings to go to church, and trust me on this, when they say,
God gives his hardest battles to his toughest soldiersIt's true. I've only been approximately been a Christian for a year, but this year has been one of the most challenging years I've had - in every aspect possible except for studies - and it's been a journey of exponential self-growth and self-actualization. I should be appreciative right? But it's really tough. Especially when you only see how the dots connect when you look back after walking through the path.
This brings me to the topic of Faith. (Lol I just typo-ed and it read Fatih ahahahhaha. And omg I am so easily amused.) Have you heard about the saying:
Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the entire staircase
- Martin Luther KingIn case you're wondering why there are so many quotes in this post, you just need to know that my current web browser doesn't allow me to insert any photos or videos zzz. So you just have to read. Reading is good for you yea???
That being said, even though I'm Christian, I'm struggling a lot with surrendering myself completely to Him. I've been so used to fighting my own battles all these while, and suddenly I'm being told that if He wills, I will get it. Or that I should just do my best and let God do the rest. I'm still learning to put my faith in Him, everyday, each step of the way - to have the inner peace within that I know He'll be there if I fall. And take things easier in life.
Considering I see live rebuttals as I type all of these, (well my mum serves a very practical view against) I do agree that you can have a bit of skeptism that every religion has its good and bad - my mum especially thinks that not holding joss sticks is a sign of disrespect to Buddhism way of memorial - but in the end, it's your religion, your faith. It's not about your parents', not about your family. It's your intimate relationship with the God you chose, and the God that you choose to place your faith/trust in. Just as everyone desires different things, which God appeals to you follows.
Like how my sister said, Chinese New Year songs are all about money - so yeah you have the Wealth God hahahaha. For Christians, we have Jesus, where we sing praise and blessings as we are covered by His grace.
We love only because He first loved us.
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